Sugar Five Hundred.

Mistaken lyrics.  Everyone has a story, and of course there are those famously frequent confusions, like 'Scuse me while I kiss this guy or There's a bathroom on the right.   And let's not forget 'Blinded By the Light'. (Racked up like a douche?  Actually, these days no one would bat an eye if that was the real lyric.)

There was the ex of mine that was convinced Bono was singing about playing Jesus to the leopards in your head, and that year in the 1970s when my mum wondered why Neil Diamond had written a song about the Reverend (actually Forever In) Blue Jeans.   I know I wasn't the only one in the 80s to hear a crock of dog shit when Terence Trent D'Arby was singing about crocodile tears (I knew that was wrong, but it was the only redeeming amusement to be had from that song when it was in heavy radio rotation), but I do think I might have been the only one to hear laugh like birds until I was informed that the Killing Joke song was actually Love Like Blood. (I admit, even now that I know better, my brain still tries to misinterpret that one.  Still like the song, either way.)

It even happens with band names on rare occasions; a friend of mine back in the very early 90s told me about how she'd gotten excited about a song she heard in a club, went to ask the DJ who it was, and told all her friends about this great new band she'd discovered:  Mr. Ed.  In her defense, 'Nitzer Ebb' is not something my ears would have heard correctly in a loud bar, either.

But my all-time, best-ever, most favourite mistaken lyrics can be boiled down to two examples: one that cracks me up, and one that's purely for sentimental value.   The first was pointed out to me perhaps fifteen years ago, by a coworker at the time, in the Eurythmics' 'Would I Lie To You'.   Now, personally, I had never found any of those lyrics confusing or ambiguous, but this acquaintance of mine confessed that her first several times hearing it, she had been sure that Annie Lennox was singing, "I packed my bags, I peed the floor, watch me walking, walking out that door".  

And you know?  Now I hear that Every.Single.Time. - and I guess it appeals to my inner five-year-old, because it is just as hilarious Every.Single.Time.  I almost had tears streaming down my face just typing this post, for pete's sake.   I defy you to ever hear that song the same way again.

The other one?  My dad.   My dad is a singing guy, but not a remember-the-lyrics guy - which means he does a lot of humming and chiming in on the last word of a line.  (Everyone knows at least one of those guys.)  And the lyrics he does know, he doesn't always know with the greatest of accuracy.  But still, when there's a song that's been one of his favourites longer than I've been alive, you'd think he'd at least know the opening line, the line that's reflected in the song's title?    That song happens to be the Four Tops' 'I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)'.   And, you guessed it, my dad's version:  "Sugar five hundred..."   For as long as I can remember.  Sugar Five Hundred.

Now, I don't want anyone to think that I'm mocking the man.  (Well, maybe a little, but gently and with love.)   It's just weird enough to be charming, which perhaps is not a bad way to be summed up, after all.  Hell, I think 'Sugar Five Hundred' would be a great name for a song, or a band.  (Or a candy store.  If anyone sees it on a shop window, tell 'em they owe my dad some royalties.)